I recently heard Grammy Award-winning singer and songwriter Durand Bernarr talking on the Vic Mensa Podcast, and something he said about friendship, support, and being a fan really stayed with me. The conversation wasn't specifically about entrepreneurship, but as somebody who has spent years building businesses, marketing brands, working with entrepreneurs, and watching business owners struggle with the very same issue, I immediately saw the connection. Bernarr's point was essentially that your friends are not necessarily your fans, and that doesn't mean they shouldn't support you. He used the example of having a friend whose music may not necessarily be his personal taste. He doesn't have to pretend that he loves the music, listen to it every day, or become a superfan simply because they are friends. But if that friend has a show in town, he can still buy a ticket, show up, and support them. That distinction between being someone's fan and being someone's supporter is simple, but I think entrepreneurs need to hear it.
Small business owners spend a lot of time talking about support, especially when it comes to the people closest to them. We launch a business and naturally assume our family and friends will be the first people in line. After all, these are the people who know us, love us, watched us dream about the business, heard us talk about it, and probably listened to us complain about it before we ever made our first dollar. So when we finally launch, we expect them to become our unofficial marketing team. We expect them to share every post, tell everybody they know, purchase our products, book our services, recommend us, celebrate every milestone, and generally act like we're the hottest new thing to hit the entrepreneurial streets.
Then reality happens.
The posts don't get shared. The products don't fly off the shelves. The people we expected to book don't book. We see our family and friends supporting other businesses online while our own announcements seem to disappear into the social media abyss. And because these are people we have personal relationships with, we don't just experience that as a marketing problem. We experience it emotionally. We start wondering whether they believe in us, whether they want to see us succeed, whether they're jealous, whether they think our business isn't good enough, or whether they simply don't care.
Sometimes, let's be honest, people really are unsupportive. There are people who don't want to see you succeed, people who minimize what you're doing, people who will spend money with everyone except you, and people who suddenly become very quiet when your business starts doing well. We don't have to pretend those situations don't exist. But I think there is another possibility that entrepreneurs don't always consider, and that possibility is much less personal: your family and friends may simply not be your target audience.
The People Who Love You Are Not Automatically Your Customers
One of the most important lessons we can learn as business owners is that there is a difference between the people who love us and the people who need what we're selling. Your sister can love you deeply and still have absolutely no interest in the product you created. Your best friend can believe that you're brilliant and still not need your service. Your cousin can be incredibly proud of your accomplishments and never purchase anything from your business. None of those things automatically mean that they don't support you.
Think about your own life outside of business. You probably have friends who love things that you have absolutely no interest in. You might have a friend who is obsessed with a particular genre of music that you never listen to, a friend who spends money on luxury products while you're perfectly happy with something more affordable, or a friend who loves going to restaurants that you would never choose yourself. You don't stop being friends because you don't share every interest. You understand that people have different preferences, priorities, budgets, lifestyles, and needs.
Business is no different. The fact that somebody loves you does not mean they are automatically going to love your product. The fact that somebody believes in your abilities does not mean they need your service. The fact that somebody is proud of you does not mean they are going to become a paying customer. We have to stop confusing emotional relationships with market demand.
Your Target Audience Is Not Your Contact List
This is where entrepreneurs have to separate their personal relationships from their actual marketing strategy. Your target audience should not be determined by who you know, who follows you on social media, who lives in your neighborhood, or who has known you the longest. Your target audience should be based on the people who have a problem you can solve, want the solution you're offering, understand the value of that solution, and are willing and able to pay for it.
That person might be your best friend, but they might also be somebody you've never met.
They could discover your business through a Google search, find one of your videos on TikTok, read a blog post, see an advertisement, hear about you through a referral, or stumble across your website six months after you launched. They don't have to know your personal history. They don't have to know how long you've been dreaming about the business. They don't have to know how many nights you stayed up working or how many times you questioned whether you should keep going. They simply need to recognize that what you're offering is valuable to them.
And sometimes, those complete strangers will support your business more enthusiastically than people you've known your entire life. That can feel strange at first, but it is also one of the most beautiful things about entrepreneurship. Your business gives you the opportunity to build relationships beyond the boundaries of your existing personal network.
This Conversation Hits Differently for Black Women Entrepreneurs
I think this issue can carry an additional emotional weight for Black women business owners because many of us intentionally create businesses with other Black women in mind. We build products for Black women. We create services for Black women. We develop communities for Black women. We create content around the experiences of Black women. We see ourselves in the people we want to serve, and because of that shared experience, it is easy to assume that the community will naturally become our biggest customer base.
There is something beautiful about creating a business with your community in mind. There are experiences that don't require a lengthy explanation when you're speaking to people who have lived something similar. There are challenges, cultural nuances, frustrations, and aspirations that you understand because you've experienced them yourself. That shared understanding can be incredibly powerful when you're developing products, services, communities, and content.
But there is also a danger in assuming that shared identity automatically equals shared purchasing behavior.
Just because someone looks like you doesn't mean they need what you're selling. Just because someone shares your cultural background doesn't mean they are your ideal customer. Just because you've created something specifically for Black women doesn't mean every Black woman is going to want it, understand it, or buy it. That doesn't make your mission less valuable. It simply means that a demographic is not the same thing as an audience.
I Know This Because We're Living It Too
I'm not going to write this article as though HolleyWood Consulting has somehow cracked the code and figured out how to get everybody we know to support everything we do. We haven't. We created HolleyWood Consulting with a very intentional vision. We wanted to build a business that could help entrepreneurs, particularly Black women and entrepreneurs from communities that have historically had to navigate business with fewer resources, fewer connections, and fewer opportunities to get into the rooms where decisions are being made.
We wanted to create something that felt like us. We wanted to provide real strategy instead of simply handing people information and sending them on their way. We wanted to help businesses build websites, understand e-commerce, develop marketing strategies, improve their systems, create content, and actually execute the things they were learning. We also wanted to create resources and eventually spaces where Black women entrepreneurs could connect, collaborate, share knowledge, and grow together.
And if we're being completely honest, the support we've received has not always come from the demographic we originally imagined would be our biggest audience.
Of course that can hurt.
When you intentionally build something with your community in mind, you naturally want your community to see it, understand it, support it, recommend it, and participate in it. You want the people you're trying to help to recognize that you're trying to help them. When that doesn't happen at the level you expected, it is easy to start questioning the business, the audience, the strategy, and sometimes even yourself.
But we've also had to learn that creating something for a particular community does not mean every person in that community is going to become your customer. And more importantly, the people who do support your business deserve to be recognized rather than overlooked simply because they aren't the people you originally expected to show up.
Don't Let Disappointment Turn Into a Marketing Strategy
This is where I think entrepreneurs can get themselves into trouble. We become so focused on the people who aren't supporting us that we start making business decisions from a place of disappointment. We change our messaging because our cousin didn't respond. We question our pricing because a friend said they wouldn't pay that much. We change our product because our family members don't understand why anyone would buy it. We stop creating content because the people we expected to engage aren't engaging.
That is not strategy.
That is emotional decision-making.
Your business needs to be informed by your actual market, not your feelings about who should be supporting you. If people aren't buying, you need to investigate why. Maybe they don't know your business exists. Maybe your messaging isn't clear. Maybe you're not communicating the value effectively. Maybe the offer doesn't solve an urgent enough problem. Maybe your pricing doesn't align with your current market. Maybe you're marketing in the wrong places. Maybe they simply aren't the people who need what you're selling.
Those are all business questions, and business questions can be solved.
If you turn every lack of support into a personal rejection, however, you're going to spend a whole lot of energy trying to fix something that may not actually be broken.
Pay Attention to the People Who Are Already Showing Up
One of the biggest mistakes entrepreneurs make is becoming so focused on the people who aren't supporting them that they completely overlook the people who are. We spend time wondering why a certain friend hasn't shared our post while ignoring the customer who has purchased from us three times. We complain that our family doesn't engage with our content while overlooking the person who sends us a referral every month. We wonder why our community isn't responding while failing to notice that somebody outside our original target audience is consistently reading our content, booking our services, and telling other people about us.
Those people are giving you information.
Your customers are constantly telling you who your business is actually resonating with. Their purchases, questions, feedback, referrals, engagement, and repeat business all provide clues about your market. You need to pay attention to those clues instead of spending all of your energy trying to convince somebody else to become a fan.
If someone has been following your business for months and finally reaches out to work with you, that's meaningful. If a customer buys from you repeatedly, that's meaningful. If someone shares your content without being asked, that's meaningful. If a client refers three other people to you, that's very meaningful. Those aren't just nice things that make you feel good. They're business signals.
Your job is to listen to them.
Your Family Is Not Your Focus Group
I'm going to say this with love because I know somebody's auntie is about to get offended: your family is not your focus group.
Your mother may have opinions about your logo. Your cousin may think your prices are too high. Your best friend may think you should sell something completely different. Your brother may not understand why somebody would pay for a service that he thinks they could figure out themselves. Your uncle may have a whole business plan for you that starts with “If I were you…”
Thank them.
Love them.
Then go look at your actual market data.
If you're selling business consulting, somebody who has never owned a business may not be the best person to determine whether your consulting package provides value. If you're selling luxury skincare, your friend who has never spent more than $10 on moisturizer may not be the person you should use to determine your pricing. If you're selling an e-commerce workbook, somebody who has never operated an online store may not understand why a business owner would pay for one.
That doesn't mean your family members are stupid or that their opinions don't matter. It means they may not have the perspective required to evaluate your business from the customer's point of view.
There is a difference between getting advice from people you trust and letting people who aren't your market determine your business strategy.
Support Doesn't Always Mean Buying From You
This is the part of Bernarr's comments that I think entrepreneurs can really use. His example makes it clear that support doesn't necessarily require fandom. You don't have to love everything somebody creates to show up for them. You can recognize that something isn't your personal taste and still decide that your relationship with the person matters enough for you to support what they're doing.
That might mean buying a ticket to their show even though you aren't listening to their music every day. It might mean sharing their announcement with somebody who would appreciate it. It might mean showing up because you know how much the event matters to them. It might simply mean telling them that you're proud of what they're building.
We need to give people room to support us in ways that don't necessarily involve becoming customers.
At the same time, we need to give ourselves permission to stop expecting everyone to support us in exactly the way we imagined they would.
Those two things can exist at the same time.
Stop Trying to Turn Everyone Into a Fan
There is a point in entrepreneurship where you have to stop trying to convince everybody to care about what you're doing. Not everybody is going to understand your vision. Not everybody is going to like your product. Not everybody is going to agree with your pricing. Not everybody is going to follow your content. Not everybody is going to become a customer.
And that's okay.
Your job isn't to make everybody a fan.
Your job is to identify the people who need what you offer and build a business that serves them exceptionally well.
That requires you to become comfortable with the idea that your business can be successful even when some of the people closest to you aren't paying customers. It requires you to stop using other people's purchasing decisions as a measurement of your worth. It requires you to understand that someone not buying from you doesn't automatically mean they don't believe in you.
Sometimes they're simply not your customer.
Let Your Actual Customers Teach You Who Your Audience Is
Every entrepreneur starts somewhere with an idea of who their customer is. You may create a detailed ideal customer profile, research demographics, think about income levels, interests, buying habits, geographic location, and all of the other things marketers are supposed to consider. That's important, but your actual customers will eventually teach you things that a worksheet cannot.
You may discover that the person buying from you isn't exactly who you imagined. You may find that a particular product resonates with an unexpected group. You may realize that a problem you thought was secondary is actually the reason people are hiring you. You may discover that your strongest customers are coming from a completely different channel than the one you thought would work.
That's not necessarily a problem.
That's market feedback.
The goal isn't to stubbornly force reality to match the customer profile you created six months ago. The goal is to pay attention to what the market is telling you and use that information to make smarter decisions.
Don't Abandon Your Mission Just Because Your First Audience Isn't Responding
For Black women entrepreneurs in particular, I think this distinction matters because there can be a temptation to completely abandon a mission when the expected audience isn't responding.
If you've created a business specifically to serve Black women, and the first wave of marketing doesn't produce the results you expected, that doesn't automatically mean Black women don't want what you're offering. It may mean your marketing isn't reaching enough people. It may mean your message needs work. It may mean your offer needs to be refined. It may mean you're solving a problem people recognize but aren't currently willing to pay to solve. It may mean you need to build more trust before asking for the sale.
Those are very different conclusions from simply saying, “My people don't support me.”
Before you abandon the audience you care about serving, investigate the actual problem.
And if you discover that your business is attracting other demographics as well, don't automatically reject those customers either. There is nothing wrong with having a mission and serving a broader market. Your business can remain committed to a particular community while welcoming customers who also see value in what you provide.
That's not selling out.
That's building a business.
Your Business Is Not a Popularity Contest
Social media makes this particularly difficult because we're constantly presented with visible evidence of other people's support. We see people celebrating businesses online. We see friends commenting on each other's launches. We see people reposting announcements, buying products, attending events, and publicly cheering each other on.
Then we look at our own posts and wonder why our people aren't doing the same thing.
But social media engagement isn't the same thing as business success.
A person can like every post you make and never spend a dollar with your business. Another person can never comment on anything you post and quietly become one of your highest-paying clients. Someone can share your content once and generate a lead worth thousands of dollars, while another person can comment on everything you do and never send you a single customer.
You have to learn to distinguish between visibility and value.
Likes feel good. Comments feel good. Shares feel good. But revenue, referrals, repeat customers, strong relationships, and profitable growth are what keep businesses operating.
Don't let the absence of social validation convince you that nobody cares about your business when your actual business data may be telling you something completely different.
Find the People Who Get It
The beautiful thing about entrepreneurship is that your audience is much larger than your personal network. There are people out there who need what you're building and are actively looking for a solution. They may not know your name today, but they can find you tomorrow.
They may discover you through search. They may see your content. They may hear about you from a referral. They may attend an event where you are speaking. They may find your website while looking for a service. They may purchase one of your products and become a customer for years.
You don't need to convince them that they should support you because they know you. You need to show them that you understand their problem and have something valuable to offer.
That's a completely different relationship.
And honestly, it's a much healthier foundation for a business.
Maybe the Question Isn't “Why Don't They Support Me?”
After thinking about Bernarr's comments, I think the better question for entrepreneurs isn't necessarily, “Why don't my family and friends support me?”
A better question might be, “Who is actually my audience?”
Who is already paying attention? Who is purchasing? Who is coming back? Who is referring people? Who is asking questions? Who is telling you what they need? Who understands the value of what you're building? Who is willing to invest in the solution you're providing?
Those are the people you need to understand. Those are the people your marketing needs to reach. Those are the people your content should speak to. And those are the people you should be building relationships with.
You Don't Need Your Whole Family in the Front Row
I think entrepreneurship becomes a little easier when we stop expecting the people closest to us to validate the business we are building.
Your family can love you without buying from you. Your friends can be proud of you without becoming your customers. Someone can support you without liking everything you create. Someone can love your personality and still have no interest in your product. Someone can be your biggest cheerleader personally and still not be your target audience professionally.
And that's okay.
You don't have to turn every relationship into a sales opportunity.You don't have to spend years trying to convince people to become fans.You don't have to abandon your mission because your first audience didn't immediately respond the way you hoped.
You do have to pay attention.
Pay attention to your customers. Pay attention to your numbers. Pay attention to your engagement. Pay attention to your referrals. Pay attention to the questions people ask. Pay attention to the problems people are willing to pay you to solve. And pay attention to the people who continue showing up, even when you weren't expecting them to.
Because sometimes the people sitting in the front row aren't the people you came with.
They're the people who found you after you started building.
And maybe that's the lesson we needed all along.
Your friends don't have to be your fans. Your family doesn't have to be your customer base. Your community doesn't have to validate every business decision you make. Your job is to find the people who see the value in what you're building, serve them well, and keep building.
And if your cousin still hasn't bought anything?
It's okay.
They may just not be your customer.
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